Litchi’s Lament – Love Ain’t Easy!

Good news!  Bad news!  Then some good news again! 

Firstly, the international efforts of Alfie, Misaki, Investigator Piggies, Sammy and Zena, paid off.  Mollie has been FOUND!  Doggy is vindicated (although he’s still at war, having plundered Portugal and now entering French territory).

DOGGY’S INVASION

The recovery of Mollie is fantastic news but leads, sadly, to the Bad News!

The Dognapper, the *“Monster Wanting Lobster”, was EASY!.

For Litchi, this is bad news indeed.  Mollie is a stunning blonde, with flashy dress sense.  Litchi, on the other hand, is not even brunette, she is pitch black.  She has never been seen parading any sort of fashion.  Easy is a most handsome Weimeramer and had, in Litchi’s opinion, been displaying some very forward courting behaviour towards her.  Read the following excerpts from comments on her blog and decide for yourselves.

• Litchi you look gorgeous – what’s your phone number?
• hehe, got it…with my fabulous tail-antenna    thanks, Litchi

And, after having written a most beautiful poem, with which Litchi was rather smitten, he replied:

• haha thanks!!! Hoped Litchi would like it

Litchi believed True Love (or, at minimum, True Lust) had been found.  But love, it appears, is never that Easy!  Just look at the SMS between Easy and Mollie

However, I told you there was a last piece of good news.  Dapper Doggy, through all the turmoil of war, in his Gentledog manner, posted the following:

“Bordeaux will be spared and it’ll be now an official South African Colony under the rule of Lady Litchi”

With limited space to accommodate all the wine in Bordeaux, Lady Litchfield Love will be throwing a celebratory PARTY!  She has invited all the wonderful investigators, low flying cats and brave Princesses to this party, along with Sir Doggy (who, being black himself, may well suite Litchi’s taste better than a Weimerama) and, to ensure that, if Sir Doggy were to fall for Princess Zena, Jetty the Gentleman, whom Lady Litchi believes to be a most suitable companion for her.  Jetty the Gentleman is a Rescue Dog and would, therefore, understand her occasional quirks, left over from hard days on the street.  Jetty is also, Jet Black – how perfect is that!

Easy, Lady Litchfield Love, of Litchfield Stafordshire and, now, Bordeaux, France (not forgetting South Africa, from where she rules her colonies) hereby requests your attendance at the Mollie Merriment Party, where she shall, as a true Lady, hold her head high and accept the gracious advances of Dapper Doggy and Jetty the Gentleman.

As proof that she has already forgotten this heartbreaking affair, she offers a photograph of her kissing on the couch with her rebound fling.

*PS – the “Monster Wanting Lobster” is courtesy of the fabulous site Colonialist, who had left a comment saying “What Monster wants Lobster??”.  I laughed so hard I simply had to include it!

Never have So Many been called upon to Help So Few!

Never in the history of Dogdom, have so many been called upon to risk their lives for so few (well one, to be exact).

Woof World III is on the verge of breakout and not, as one might assume, due to border disputes, greed induced arguments over mineral bone resources or mans dogs’ inherent need for battle.  No, my dear readers, WWIII looks to take the stage due to Paw Tokens!  The ultimate in valuable currency for competition addicted dogs the world over!  Oh, and lest we forget, the capture, “potential” hostage situation and now Kidnapping of Mollie.

• Doggy invaded Mollie’s village, captured her and held her at his Castle.
• He then brazenly took her to dine at the finest trash cans in town.
  • This, needless to say, surprised all in Animal Kingdom, who had, thus far, assumed Mollie to be a Hostage.
  • However, one should not forget the Stockholm Syndrome (hostages falling for their captors).
  • Mollie, subsequently, went missing!
  • Fear reigned through the nations.  Dogs, cats and guinea pigs mobilized their forces.  So many animals, so little time, only one to rescue!

Doggy threatened WWIII, stating that his honor had been compromised, insisting that Mollie had left happy, full and content.  He provided the following proof of her being escorted by the War Elephants on her return trip.

And then, oh the horror, a ransom note was received.  All paws had been pointed at Doggy and then, this:

The Frightening Reality – A RANSOM NOTE!

Doggy is indeed innocent (although I still suspect that his intentions towards Mollie were not quite so).  Rumours having been flying about kissing by the trash cans.

Many a Rescue Animal is involved in the hunt for Mollie.  Follow their death defying escapades and catch up on previous news here:

War Horns  – By Doggy

War Update – By Doggy

Kidnap By Mollie

Call to World Invasion – By Doggy

News Reports By The Piggies at Hutch a Good Life

Investigation By Misaki

Investigation By Sam

Investigation By Zena, The Princess