This blog is about animals. Animals in need, to be precise. Gremlins must, therefore, be animals, for today they are the subject of my post.
To all the splendiferous blogs who may be feeling somewhat neglected and un-patronized lately, please understand that I am currently the recipient of a very large Gremlin, who must be in need, as he has set up residence here.
I have trained dogs before. One Sunday my dear, long suffering Mother, taking one look at the latest “forever” cat, said “well, you can’t train cats, you know!” By the following weekend, when she braved the zoo, I had trained the cat to “sit”, “look at the sky” and “look at my face”, all nicely performed, on command.
You’d think, therefore, that a Gremlin would pose little problem. You would be wrong!
As part of my initiative to provide information on as many species as I encounter, I can now officially inform you that Gremlins Are Not Trainable! They Do Not Listen!
My current, rather stubborn-minded (nearly said pig-minded, until I remembered I actually like pigs) Gremlin, visited me well over a week ago. It is still here. It has not informed me as to the nature of its need dilemma. It does not appear to need food as my kitchen is still in one piece. Love and cuddles do not appear to be a requirement. I have put much effort into re-homing it, finding many suitable forever homes but it steadfastly refuses to leave. It would appear that for the foreseeable future, my zoo shall encompass a Gremlin.
I have ascertained its particular likes. It has a fondness, not for food, but for the consumption of internet connection. It seems to feed constantly though the day. A little bit like a cat, I guess. Gremlins like to nibble away steadily. Unlike cats, they do not take breaks for general ablutions or “the crazies” game time. They are, however, much like cats in their hunting ability. Their stealth is astonishing, allowing internet connection to briefly show itself, begin to feel quietly comfortable before being Pounced upon and killed in one swipe.
These never before researched facts about Gremlins are important for the following reasons:
- The blogs I love will think I have deserted them
- This is not the case. Whilst the Gremlin is still in “prowl” mode, I jump onto a site, read like a demon possessed librarian and hit the “like” button with the speed of a chameleon’s tongue. Sometimes I’m lucky.
- The blogs which manage to avoid the savages of the Gremlin and acquire themselves a “like” are, as always, supposed to have received a comment.
- It would appear that I have yet to master typing at the speed of a chameleon’s tongue.
- Firstly, had I have done so, the chances are that I would be making far too much money doing something with that skill to be blogging at all.
- Secondly, the blogs I read would have seen comments which, for the most part, is simply not happening.
- Any comment received in the past week have been typed and “posted” so many times that I nearly forget what site I’m reading, let alone what I was trying to say.
Please do not think me rude. I am reading all the posts. I simply require the assistance of a Gremlin Whisperer in order to let you know I have done so. So, whilst I tend and care for my new Gremlin, I hereby give up on commenting. If you get a “like”, consider yourself very fortunate indeed (maybe buy a lotto ticket – it is definitely your lucky day!). If you do not, please have blind faith that I have read your post. For those who have not read this post, I’m afraid there is little I can do to let you know. Then again, if they have not read this, then I guess I have no real reason to feel guilt.
Whilst I await my Gremlin Whispered, please promise me 2 things.
- Firstly, that you will accept a simply “like” as a clever, witty and probably hilarious comment in response to your brilliance.
- Secondly, that you will visit me in the loony-bin, to which I am rapidly heading.
(This post has been typed in word and, hopefully, copied into WordPress. It has no pictures, as Gremlins appear to find these particularly delicious. I have no idea when it might appear as I have yet to successfully judge a Gremlins appetite).
5hrs 15min since first attempt to post this.