Part 1 – Acquiring Small Bucks. Never forget – it takes bucks to make bucks!
Yes, it is possible! The following step by step instructions will guide you through both attain and convert Small Bucks into Big Bucks.
There is no quick way (well, legally, that is) to make Big Bucks. I will, therefore, break this into a series, thus avoiding the popping out, crossed-eyed phenomenon generated by a reading overload.
1 – Buy a farm in Africa.
- Don’t panic. This should be inexpensive. In fact, try to ensure it is as run down as possible. No-one will understand what you are doing. The more confused your friends are, the better the buy!
2 – Put some hot, sweaty work into building a Bush Lodge, including the installation of everything from plumbing to electricity, which should not have been in place upon purchasing the farm.
- Remember, there is no such thing as a Quick Buck. It takes time and hard work.
- It is vital to have no prior knowledge or experience of either the hospitality industry or building of any nature. Prior knowledge will diminish your experience.
- Use only local, untrained labour to complete the tasks. This helps to grow the area’s economy and create the optimum level of mayhem.
- Your complete lack of knowledge will give your father much needed opportunities to laugh at your expense, such as finding out you are suffering from hot flushes.
- Diagnosis of hot flushes is fairly easy. Wait for the plumbing to be finished. Test a toilet and watch, mesmerized, whilst hot steam comes pouring out. Find the wayward non-plumber and have him connect cold, rather than hot water to your thrown.
3 – At this point, have the Tourism Grading Council popping in, unannounced, to grade the establishment (remember to have as many mad builders on site as possible).
4 – Find out that 4 orphaned baby Black (extremely rare) Springbok, are in desperate need of bottle-feeding and hand-raising.
5 – Increase your building frenzy to create a thatch cover and enclosure for the babies. Get hay bales delivered by a large tractor, making sure that it drives across your new lawn, leaving tyre tracks and strewing around as much muck as possible.
6 – It is vital to have no prior experience with Springbok – black, baby or otherwise. This will add to the general excitement of the moment.
7 – Have the baby buck arrive at the precise time that both the tractor and the grading council appear. This will increase the pandemonium of your Buck Growing experience.
Now that you have mastered the basics, wait for “Part 2” in which we will start you on the process of taking your newly acquired Small Bucks and convert them into healthy, fully grown, Big Bucks.